I want to write you a softy meaningful post about life, love, and your own little corner of the struggle bus but when I start typing I just end up screwing around and finding an internet video that describes a strange work event. The problem is that most of these little animations depict my shallowest thoughts about any given nursey situation. So after you scan through all the GIFs below you are probably going to think I am one big butt face, and you will be correct.
It’s pretty much as follows in the Magical Land of Nuggets and Nighshifts:
Enthusiasm at the start of the shift:
When a team buddy calms your frazzled-butt down after you’ve lost a little more of your cool than you thought you would that night:
When you take a patient to postpartum and you are a big (*insert choice term) about a bleeding disagreement with the nurse, which turns into a mountain-out-of-a-molehill situation that you end up behaving poorly about because you are a tired, over-sensitive adult child who needs to calm the heck down. And all during your post night-shift nap you keep mentally reliving you’re awful self and tone of voice towards your friends and want to crawl in a hole and accept a punishment.
Getting to work, realizing you have an awesome team and are almost excited to be there. But then your shift brings you back to reality and you don’t care about anything but getting in your car and driving away..
When you look up at the fetal heart rate monitor at your team station and realize your patient’s naughty baby has been in a nasty little decel for about a few seconds too long… Get your bubble butt in there chickie-pey and fix her!
When my patient asks me how old I am and looks kinda scared when they find out that a person who was an infant when they went through puberty holds their baby’s intrauterine survival in their hands:
When you walk into your patient’s room to get report and instead of report you call a Condition O..realizing that the nutshell desk report is all you’re gonna get and now you’re the one who has to take the baton now and run with what ya got.
When I get assigned preterm twins who won’t stay on the monitor.
When the patients FOB is a total jag
When the patient keeps using random medical terminology irrelevantly (or incorrectly) just to point out that they work in some area of the medical field.
Talking with patients at 3am…
After handling a baby straight from the shoot without remembering to have gloves on…
When Jonathan asks how my day was:
After a glorious uncomplicated, mom-smiling birth:
Each shift handing off report to the next shift on the super high-risk patient who everybody wants to have delivered but not really on their shift……
Still trying to fit in with the group conversation at your team station:
When my patient is a bonafide functional adult member of society with manners, reasoning ability, stable home life and amazingly realistic expectations and good pain tolerance.
The last shift before you go on vacation:
When you watch the baby canal tear and try to not freak out:
Coming into work at 3am for on-call (after you’ve worked the past 3 days).
Listening to the patient’s mom talk endlessly about her own deliveries 20+ years ago and use every opportunity to re-direct the conversation to something about her. (or ask when we do a c-section, tell the patient that she did this labor thing X No. of times, ask the patient how much she “appreciates” her now as her mother etc…..)
When an MD pressures another nurse to turn up your patient’s pitocin drip up when they are already tachysystole and not 10 minutes after turning it back down and charting about it the MD calls you to ask why the Pit was turned down…….
Having a dream about being assigned a T-Rex water birth. And you have to put on scuba gear and swim to adjust the FHR monitor…(dodging claws). Oh, and then you have to tell the mom that her baby dino had to go to the NICU.
So if you didn’t just skim through those and think I was a crusty mean nurse you probably work with me. If you work with me you (hopefully!) don’t think I’m too mean but you do probably get the sense I’m a bit skitzy and generally a little fluster ball…but with good intentions!