Bury It Before It Buries Me

We’re sitting in my parent’s kitchen watching the Fluffnugget urgently push his food bowl under a kitchen chair to have a midnight snack.  And then work it off by doing illegal couch jumping (…mom law enforcement isn’t here!)

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Well, again, I’ve employed every single distraction in attempt to avoid blogging for quite a while.  All simply because it’s easier to scroll through tumblr or sleep than to translate substancial thought into words that are at least 50% worthy of people’s brain time and internet space.  When I’d look into the Blueberry Day’s graveyard  of unfinished posts left to rot, it feels so fruitless and wasteful! I start so many writings that just seem to go flat and seem really stupid about 2 paragraphs in.  Which then makes me mad and wanting to drop the laptop on the floor and sleep face-down chiding myself for even trying, and reminding myself that I’m not even a “real” blogger and that all I can ever talk about these days is my nursing life-because it’s all I see at the moment.  No, this post isn’t going to be a fussy 2-year-old. Just thought I’d admit that I’m a lazy bum.  Want to talk about something you didn’t already know?  Me too.

Cold Is The Night–The Oh Hello’s

Nervous Wreck–Sera Cahoone

Catch Yer Own Train–The Silver Seas

Auld Lang Syne–Sufjan Stevens

I didn’t even wish you a Merry Christmas!  Cripes.

Let’s cover all the bases–“Happy New Years!”

Hope you had a Merry Christmas though.  I did, it was swell.  Plus, I was again pleasantly confounded at how I managed to swing another semester in the Circus.  If nothing else, last year strongly enforced the belief that this is not to be taken for granted…so Merry Christakwanzakkah to me! This semester didn’t actually seem to be as soul-burning as the last couple but maybe that’s because there’s nothing alive left within me to burn…? *Insert Concern*  Eh, I’ll worry about potentially being a member of the undead after graduation.

Was 2013 good to you?  Here were some of my favorite happenings:

Traveling with friends was a big one this year

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Hearing both Devil Makes Three AND Trampled by Turtles live!

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Vermont:

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Recording music with friends

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Turning 21 (!)

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This Place is always a favorite:
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Holding this little guy:

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Being apart of this beautiful day:
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As far as past year reflection, I think 2013 was one of the most productive years I recall in my short life.  Not on the outside-I didn’t really do anything huge like graduate or other life benchmark, but it’s been a long year of with a lot of internal re-construction.  I can say that, although we all have continuous internal construction work happening, compared to this time last year I’m in a much more “built” place by a landslide.  Do you remember any specifics about yourself this time last year?

If I were to have a conversation with myself a little over a year ago, lets say last autumn 2012, I’d probably say these things:

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1.  The person/thing/activity you are always available for is the one that controls you.  The more pressured you feel to constantly be available at the drop of a hat for someone just in case they want to spend time with you– the less comfort and assurance in that relationship.  The more you have to convince yourself of how you think someone perceives you the less true it probably is (at least in this department).  Do yourself (and your clear-sighted friends who are tired of hearing about it) a favor and call it what it is.

2.  The only cure for self-hate and crippling insecurity is to decrease your opinion of others opinions but even more importantly–decrease your opinion of your OWN opinion of yourself.   Also, read this book sooner than you will.  Contrary to popular belief, you are not actually the most qualified judge of yourself.

3.  Stop wasting time trying to change how you feel about yourself.  If you don’t like yourself stop beating yourself up about it.  Your emotional windstorm isn’t going to help anyone, including yourself.  If you feel wretched about yourself today, fine.  Feel that way.  If you feel ugly, fine.  BUT treat those feelings like an expired credit card.  It will no longer purchase anything for you and is merely a piece of old plastic.  It simply exists, but powerlessly.

3. Don’t leave your true desires in the storm of your emotions.   They are at very high risk to become warped by water damage.

4.  Developing what some may call a “bitch face” isn’t necessarily a bad thing when it’s your “I don’t have to see that crap to smell it” face.  If you smell it, it’s there.  Don’t participate in that fest.

5.  Start doing something that makes you feel strong.  There is no clothing size that compares to the satisfaction of looking at your antagonists and knowing you could take them out.  (Maybe that’s not the best advice, but it’s one of my favorite coping mechanisms…hehe.  And I don’t actually run around planning how to physically maim someone…most of the time).  If I can say, starting to punch things (not people, try for things that are meant for this activity) is amazingly relieving.  Do it for a few minutes and you just can’t care about anything else enough to bother you for at least an hour.

6. Being rescued from yourself is a great freedom.

So if I haven’t absorbed the memo titled: “Change, Everyone Has It.” by now I should be dropped in the ‘Lost Cause’ bin.

Now that I’m on this boat I also want to share some of my favorite articles/pintrest-y posters of the year.  Remember how I’m a lazy bum?  Well that should say something is worth reading if my lazy fingers actually copied and pasted these links when all they want to do is sleep.

Confronting the lie: God won’t give you more than you can handle’

’10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out’

‘Single and Not Waiting’

Happy New Years darling, hope the best for you.

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*all those cool quote-y poster graphics are not mine.  Thank you pintrest and the rest of the internet

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2 thoughts on “Bury It Before It Buries Me

    1. theblueberrydays

      Haha yes, my fingers are crossed hoping we can all stay at least a little blog motivated this year 🙂 Glad you see you’re back as well!

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