Told You To Be Fine

First off: Merry Christmas to you and your people! And one of the best White Christmas’s we’ve seen in years!!

We’re enjoying the steady snowfall right now from this perch:

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Pretty soon I’ll be pulling you outside, my theory: treat every snowstorm like it’s the last time you’ll see snow.   What if global warming makes The Snowflake a fairy tale for your kids??? If that’s the case you’d better be able to tell it well. Shovel it. Eat it. toss it in your face. Look at that pile of snow in your hand so close that you can see the individual crystals!  In my pre-professional medical opinion, nature-wonder is one of the most under-recognized, most affordable, effective remedies.  It’s a non-ceiling drug, you can take more and more without a limit.  And you’ll never be toxic with wonder!  (takin’ pharmacology vocabulary to the real world!) It helps to start with a healthy dose of appreciation for the natural craftsmanship around you.

*Also if you stick around for this entire post (it’s long, can’t lie) here is the soundtrack:

‘Did You Disappoint Your God?’–Neva Dinova

Winter In My Heart’–The Avett Brothers

Skinny Love’ (Cover)–Birdy

‘Thrown Right At Me’–TMOE

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wanna know something funny? I’m not frolicking through the forest in this picture. This is a picture of me trying to find an escape route in case that noise was a bear…which would surely eat us!

Christmas snuck up on us just when it might’ve seemed the world was a bit too dark for twinkle lights.  To be quite honest with you I have not been in the celebratory mood for quite some time  (“yeah, you and everyone else who’s read the newspaper Rebecca..” I know, unexplainable public tragedies leave the onlookers in despairing frustration if nothing else.) However it’s been a season of funk if you know what I mean (you might call it something else) but I just haven’t been able to write to you, and I could not be honest and make any other excuse other than my own fear, of being thought stupid, silly, and that my thoughts would be unworthy of consideration or care. Or that my writing would be just a cry for attention and the desire to be thought of as insightful, not shallow.

...we wish to impress other people with the fact that we are not shallow.  This is a sure sign of spiritual pride.  We must be careful, for this is how contempt for others is produced in our lives.  And it causes us to be a walking rebuke to other people because they are more shallow than we are.  Beware of posing as a profound person–God became a baby.

–Oswald Chambers

Essentially I’ve been in a funk of worry and fear over preserving a false image of myself.  This continued into a well-developed fear of writing and exposing anything of myself that people could criticize and judge.

Recently, one of my blogger (and real life!!!) friends wrote a post spot-on for much of the writing part of this funk, and reminded me of an important writing truth: “not everything I write will be worth reading.  But that is no excuse not to write.  I need to be ok with that.”–Hannah (Floral Print Press)

I can’t speak for anyone else, but as for myself I did notice a decline in the quality of my thoughts, and how I thought about others.  Contempt is a dangerous virus that you often don’t know is growing until you’ve hurt someone else.  It’s when preserving your image is priority over your neighbor’s (figuratively speaking)  heart.

Sometimes

Essentially this is disbelieving in your own value, you need it affirmed from another source so all actions are in promotion of receiving more affirmation.  The tragedy is the failing to remember what you are in the first place, and we become so preoccupied “making ourselves” or “finding ourselves” that we forget everyone else and fail to love them fully because we don’t believe how fully we are already loved.  Without this understanding we cripple ourselves in our ability to love our neighbor as our concern for ourselves continually grows and our concern for them continually diminishes.  If left to continue, eventually we realize that everyone is a stranger to us and we are alone.

I want you to be concerned about your next door neighbor.  Do you know your next door neighbor?–Mother Teresa

Be curious with care when you interact with others.  You don’t have to be their best friend, but be genuinely invested in what they are saying to you, and not as much as what you’ll say at them.   Learn to read their face and words simultaneously and you’ll gain a better view, as well as be able to identify questions they might not even realize they’re asking themselves.  You probably won’t have an answer, but the point is that your actions indicate they are valued, cared for, and what they feel may not be able to be fixed but they are not alone.

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat. –Mother Teresa

I understand I can’t speak for you but I’m of the belief that you already have the maximum value you’ll ever possibly achieve (which is a whole darn lot) and nothing you can do will change it.  Disabling the world from dictating your value frees you from affirmation-dependence through people and enables you to be a fuller vessel of unconditional love for others.   If you’ve read some other Thought-Posts here on the Blueberry Days then this predicament may sound familiar.

Wish I knew where this girl went:

The Links: (this isn’t meant to be self-promoting, I’m only reposting these past entry links because they fostered thoughts of this post).

Incomplete & Insecure

These Here Are My Desires

Be Still And Run

That girl, like everyone else, gets thrown in a pressure cooker every so often and then forgets what she’s doing here in the first place.  Can you relate?  I think you can.

You have these too, things that sneak up on you over and over, lessons you thought you already wrestled and learned from-but nope.  They re-manifest themselves in the sneakiest ways, each time more veiled until blown up in your surprised “it’s YOU again” Face.

Thankfully, we live in seasons.  Both physical natural climate changes and internal seasons.  They change, but most of them return every so often.  Maybe the key is to learn how to live the seasons, knowing things just aren’t made right yet. You won’t have all the answers you want, and yes the world is a broken mess because it is full of broken people, ourselves included!

prayer-for-humanity

So the conclusion?

“There will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears.  And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.  Get over your hill and see what you find there, With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair”

— ‘After The Storm’ (Mumford & Sons)

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One thought on “Told You To Be Fine

  1. You are fantastic. I’ve been thinking some of the very same things lately – about investing in people and loving them freely because we are already loved so fully. Thank you for reminding me and letting me know I’m not alone in thinking about these things! Love you.

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