*Fair Warning: Lots of words. Nobody is chaining you down to read this (at least I hope not) so if it’s not your piece of cake, chillax, we can still make brownies later, ok buttercup?
**another disclaimer; I do not look down on the gym, I do use that place. I do run on the treadmill, I do not think God looks down on treadmill running. FYI. I cannot pretend to be a 24/7 solid outside runner, though it is the best..
***ONE MORE (sorry!) this is my interpretation of a mental conversation with Him, and I share these kinds of posts just from the What It’s Worth Dept. You can choose to take it as you will. Also, all pics credited to pintrest search (does that count as citation? probably not.)
LET US BEGIN.
Those days (check out that link, good song) when you’re just not in sync? I had one (+4) of them. How about yourself? What are your key symptoms? Nothing to see a specialist about, just off your regular skip, you know? Ok, well while you list off your symptoms, here are a few of mine:
1.) saying things you normally wouldn’t say/not having much to say at all! (Shocker! I know.)
2.) Catching myself right before saying “may the force be with you” instead of ‘peace’ in church
3.) Becoming an angsty weasel over everything, and everyone. Oh help you all. I’m so sorry.
4.) Loosing the silly. (all my silly was gone! red flag. This is along the lines of forgetting to put on deoderant, for real it’s bad.)
5.) Making this. In no right mind would I have cheated on butter with a chickpea! Whaat happened?? The guilt is engulfing me. This one might have been the most alarming symptom.
Uh oh…these are way too familiar. Time for a run. (as in a real run, outside, not for exercise–just a little chat with the Guy Upstairs..
Me: what if…how about….why wasn’t I….ugh!!….not enough like….shoot.
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do…For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! (Romans:7:14-15, 22-23)
God: What are you doing?
Me: Running! These things need to go away, I need figure out how to be…..how to do….what if….why I didn’t….
God: I see that. Mind if I join?
Me: You’re a lot faster, how about you go ahead and I’ll catch up?
God: I want to stay back here with you, besides, it won’t be the worst thing for you to keep an even pace.
Me: That is the truth…it’s you’re fault I’m out here right now isn’t it?
God: *laughing* Still as sharp as a doorknob aren’t you? Why? Don’t you like the day I’ve made for you? Is it so bad I want you to soak it up?
Me: No, it’s perfect actually. *sheepishly* Thank you.
Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. (Psalms 116:7)
Me: Where have you been lately? I thought our coffee dates were going well, but these last few were slightly off-is this your subtle way of telling me to switch to tea? Just when I was feeling so free about the future and that whatever you ordained would come to pass and that is what I wanted, suddenly these clouds moved in and I just felt anxious about the future and how I might not be doing what I should to accomplish things I want to have happen etc….what I did wrong to not accomplish X, why Y isn’t working, and what happens if Z doesn’t pan out?….
God: I’ve been to coffee with you (and everywhere else) every single day, but it’s difficult to talk with someone who won’t look at me.
Me: Oh. That would be me you are referring to? I’m sorry, it’s true I’ve let my eyes wander and probably my heart along with it. I want to want what you want (too many words? yes.) but I can’t figure out why suddenly I’m thrown into a tizzy of being hung up on things that didn’t bother me so much before. Why isn’t X, Y, and Z happening/what do I need to do to make things happen/what if I… the whole cycle, so I tried to make things happen the way I wanted and in turn looked away.
Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.
God: How can I tell you I love you, and you hear it fully if you won’t stop looking at everything else? How can I watch you tangle yourself up in self-made chains to these ideas that you are not enough of something? That you must manipulate people and situations to get what you want/need in case I don’t do it for you?
I made you enough! …whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.” (Isaiah 43:7)
You are qualified to live the life I have given you to it’s fullest.
Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize.
I know what it is you want and need, It is done. I Am.
…your Father knows what you need before you ask him. (Matthew 6:8)
What a man desires is unfailing love… (Proverbs 19:22)
You have it all, the craving for an unfailing love that I have placed in the hearts of men, the craving you are chasing, like so many others. It is greater than this world, greater than human capability, it’s divine! I’ve made mankind to crave the highest and the most-only that can be found in me. No human relationship, and work of your own hands will satisfy. You are anxious when you’ve starved your soul of it’s one purest need.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:21)
You’re running on a treadmill in a stuffy mental gym, confining your view to the world inside while I’m calling you to run outside with me!
…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1)
Me: You must talk with my Dad too often…but yes, maybe it’s time to throw off the mental gym and skip on outside. I’d like to see you now, if that is ok?
“Keep the earth below my feet, for all my sweat, my blood runs week, Let me learn from where I have been, Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn.” (M&S)
“Lord,” they answered, “we want our sight.” Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him. (Matthew 20:34)
(BTW God’s smile this time was the most dazzling burning February sunset right in front of me, all I had to do was look up!)
You were shown these things so that you might know that the Lord is God; besides him there is no other. (Deuteronomy 4:35-36)
…the last pic is probably more in line with how I look during a run 😉 A joyous penguin it is.