Again, haven’t written in a long while, it’s been a long couple of weeks- but if you’ve been awake at any point in the past week your most likely out of sorts as well. Here’s some tea, FYI we will be drinking this tea at least 5 days a week, not necessarily because it’s our favorite, but increase the chance of a white Christmas by at least 50%.
I’ve been upside down and inside out since we last chatted, lived amidst one of the most chaotic and sad weeks of Penn State history, started another job, and moved out of my dorm room from an unforeseen chain of hurtful and frustrating events. You know the feeling, anger at injustice. Both to others and to yourself. When it all happens at the same time the feeling can be consuming if you let it. And gosh, is it terribly difficult to not let anger consume you when you are made aware of horrific injustice done to others and meanwhile be the recipient of unfair actions yourself. I reached a white hot anger point a few weeks ago, the kind mixed with exhaustive emotional breaking and then the choice to let yourself wallow in bitterness or realizing that God’s giving you the freedom to grow up. Don’t get me wrong, especially coming down off a MadnessMountain myself, when you’re at the peak it’s all you can do just to mentally beg and shout at God to fix this horrid thing that has been done to you or someone else and how justice has not been served and how unfair this is, you’ve been wronged and hated! Isn’t he listening?!
At this very moment in my “mountain” I opened my bible randomly to this and was astounded, because I could feel Daniel’s exact words and pleads parallel to my own. And low and behold God was writing a letter right back to me.
A hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees. “Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them…” I said to the one standing before me, “I am overcome with anguish because of the vision, my lord, and I am helpless. How can I, your servant, talk with you, my lord? My strength is gone and I can hardly breath.” Again the one who looked like a man touched me and gave me strength. “Do not be afraid, O man highly esteemed,” he said. “Peace! Be strong now.” –Daniel 10:10-19
In my pleading and disbelief at the current situation I’d been asking God the ever-popular human question “why in the wold God is this happening?” And God’s response is opening my eyes; what makes me above life’s trials? Then I began to see my “mountain” more as a “hill”. Why am I letting hills get in my way when I can just as well climb them and prove they don’t dictate who I am and who my creator is. How would we be prepared to climb mountains later on without some practice? Maybe this is more like God’s own personally designed ‘Wilderness Survive and Thrive Training Program’? Yep, it looks like we all get one!
When we sit around asking God why and feeling completely dejected his answer isn’t one we can fully comprehend-a person. To show us that that he hears and feels every single persons individual anguish and does not leave them aside. Though he does not respond in a way our human selves always understand, because he sees the 360 when we see the 180.
I don’t get so very angry very often but it has a nasty! All I can say is be wise and use it constructively but sparingly.
‘Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.’ 1 Peter 3:9
‘In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.’ Ephesians 26
No, it’s not that we shouldn’t become angry when we recognize unrighteousness and un-just actions but it’s how we channel our anger to be something constructive instead of destructive-to others and especially ourselves. (Anger can be soul-rotting and it might not be apparent on a persons exterior but, like most viruses, it’s relentless and won’t stay inside for long.) But if our anger pushes us to rise up to change and act in righteousness and love to others as we are shown then it is constructive.
‘Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen and understand. What goes into a man’s mouth does not make him ‘unclean,’ but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him ‘unclean.’ ” Matthew 15:10
or in other words: The mouth is the barometer of the heart.
Watch your thoughts, don’t let your soul become unfit to climb.