“I dont’ ever want to die but I’m hatin’ how I live” (‘Dear Professor’ by Dean’s List, another version on ‘If I Die Young’ by The Band Perry. Surprisingly I like it? weird, it’s really not my typical genre)
Anyone have those times? I’m not referring to suicidal feelings/extreme depression, I’m talking about your general attitude and personal beliefs about yourself and your life. What justifies you? Your family/friends? Your talents? Your job? Your education? What do you think gives a person worth? OK guys that is the ‘go ahead and think’
It’s pretty common for people to answer that question with variations on their relationships with other people, and/or their profession and educational level. Not that people can’t color their life through those things, but to allow themselves to build their own worth scale by such things is a recipe for failure. All of those things can be altered, and/or eliminated from your life, building your own value via goals and relationships is futile because they can fail you. Don’t go building yourself on sand- it’ll be there for a while but eventually will be washed away, leaving you behind. Going on that note- here’s a bit from the Lady herself: “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams.If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.” Lady Gaga
Whaaat? I just went from lecturing you on personal worth, to sand, to LADY GAGA? Please hang in there with me while I try to recover an ounce of reasoning here. And some joybean.
So. “remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore” ok. true, but your career never loved you in the first place. that’s True. It doesn’t care how much work you put in, and neither does your PhD. Certainly a nice life decoration, but it’s still only a tool to amplify something you already had in you. So then why not find our worth/purpose in friends and family? I love those people more than any career or college degree, but it would be unfortunate if I saw my self-worth as something dictated by their feelings towards me alone. They’re human too. I am NOT saying that it’s bad in any way to care about what loved ones think of you, it certainly should matter to you, but that you can’t live justified by their approval alone-because the sad truth is, you may not always have that.
I don’t know about you, but I certainly would like to be accepted and enjoyed by my family and friends, and I do care about what they think of me, so of course I don’t want to show my “worst side” to them. I don’t want them to think of me in a negative way-so I guard myself from those feelings of rejection and personal disgust by trying to convince others that I am not what I subconsciously see myself as. A few of these subconscious beliefs I’ve listed below, they are from the book ‘Core Lies,discovering and dealing with the lies we don’t even know we believe’ by Sarah Mae
SO. What in the world is a “Core Lie”???
Core Lie= “A Core lie is something we believe that resides so deep down inside of us that it has almost become a part of our personality. We don’t know it’s there, and furthermore, we have learned how to live in such a way that subconsciously controls much of our thought life and behavior. I is such a subtle occurrence that we do not see or understand the damaging affect it is having on our life and the lives of those around us. Our core lie is based on what we put our worth and value in apart from God.” (p.6 Core Lies)
So we form goals to, in a way, prove ourselves wrong.
”Goals are the bridge between your beliefs and behavior. In order to understand what your goal is, you must look at your behavior (self-protection, manipulation) and emotions (anger, anxiety, etc.) to see if you can find a repeating pattern.”—Dave Bowman
Here are a few (selected from p.9)
I am unwanted. I am bad. I am a failure. I am not good enough. I am forgettable. I am not worth fighting for. I am ugly. I am not in control. I am of no value. I am defective. I am shameful.
I can honestly say I have at least 1 of those listed above as a constant fear which I’ve let dictate my actions and attitudes. The thing is to recognize that it’s present, then take it from there.
O.K. Sure, people can be those things-they can act those things. But they themselves are not that by definition. A person can certainly act in a shameful way, fail to achieve a goal, be unwanted, not be in control of a situation—> BUT they aren’t defined by it. Just like they are not defined by their success when achieving a goal, if all you are is what you’ve built then you’ll never be enough. “Our goals are a false identity. They help us to feel secure in our own little worlds, but they do not give the freedom that our true identities offer. Moreover, our desires become sinful when we demand they be met in order for us to find joy, peace, meaning , value, and love in our lives.” (p. 18) If someone chooses to make their goal proving what they see of themselves to be incorrect, then they become a slave to that idea, a lie. They subconsciously design their world and manipulate or self-protect every situation/action because they don’t want people to see them for what they think they are and their greatest fear is confirmation that their core lie is true; to be “found out” or “exposed”.
“Your personal goal often is to prove that you are the opposite of what you truly believe yourself to be. This is because you don’t think others accept you the way you think you are.”—Dave Bowman
Don’t be a slave to your lie, you are made for so much more than that. Figure out the truth instead. Our innermost selves will never be fully satisfied until we discover the unshakable truth of our value because we are creations of our Creator.